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It boggles my mind how wrapped up in conflict people can become and how much they let others get in their head.

Over the past few months I’ve had several conversations with friends and associates in which they have repeatedly complained about the behavior of others. Some of these people are negative or critical by nature, so complaining is par for the course. Others, however, are introspective and thoughtful, and have fully considered their own role in their situation before finally casting blame.

In each case I’ve either agreed or disagreed with their premise, but in all cases I’ve tried to talk them off the ledge. In general, I think life’s too short to waste negative energy worrying about the actions of others. Doesn’t mean we have to like their behavior, but it does mean understanding that their motivations (and awareness) are different from ours and choosing to focus on our own actions instead. Getting caught up in others’ actions can adversely affect our own intentions; at a minimum it distracts us, but more likely we start managing to a different set of objectives. We start playing defense instead of offense, and it’s tough to make progress on our heels.

Stepping back and noticing these friends and associates letting others get in their heads has opened my eyes. I’ve started looking for evidence of this in my own life…situations where I am wasting energy focusing on the wrong things. It’s much easier said than done, but it’s a worthwhile exercise. I am also becoming a better “life coach”, helping my peers see through their aggravation and focus on their goals. It’s up to them whether they want to rise above it or not, but at least by redirecting the conversation I can show them another path.

Ultimately, the only one that should be in your head is you. And that’s a choice.