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Monthly Archives: January 2016
One Brick at a Time
Posted by on January 31, 2016
A co-worker of mine had a rough morning this past week, the type of day when you feel you can’t do anything right. Ever have one of those? I’ve certainly been there. Sometimes I feel like I live there.
I was pretty happy with the advice I gave her. After acknowledging her feelings, I told her to take a deep breath and just build it back up, one brick at a time. So she went and got a cup of coffee, which seemed like a good place to start. Then she got a loaner laptop from the help desk, and then moved on to something else. And before long, she was back in rhythm and being her usual productive, cheery self.
Sometimes, when someone comes along and knocks down your wall (or you clumsily knock down your own wall), you’ve got to take a deep breath and start over. Only maybe you’re a little bit smarter the next time. Or more careful. And definitely stronger.
Brick by brick we build, and before long we look back and we’ve built something beautiful.
Shift Your Mindset
Posted by on January 16, 2016
This morning I had a disagreement with someone. I was already frustrated about something, and the disagreement set me off. In principle I still think I was right, but in hindsight I could have handled it better. Our disagreement escalated quickly, and after the tiff we both went our separate ways and gave each other the silent treatment for a while. Feeling slighted, and feeling justified for feeling that way, I was prepared to spend the rest of the day ticked off and channeling my anger into being productive. This would accomplish several things: (a) let it be known that I was still upset, and (b) fuel me to bang things off my ever-present to-do list. This would, I thought, be a win.
Sometimes when you win, though, you really lose. In a post just two weeks ago I committed to making decisions on the basis of (a) whether it provides me joy and/or (b) whether it’s consistent with my long-term goals. In this case, the answer was really neither. (Being productive? Yes to both. But being angry? Neither.) So understanding that my current path was really a loss, I shifted my mindset and reengaged. Within minutes, the cloud had lifted and I was happy.
We coach our kids to control what they can control, that they have the ability to affect to affect outcomes through the way they conduct themselves. We do this because we believe it. Happily, today I was able to coach myself and change my mindset, and in the process change the outcome.
My shift this morning wasn’t about giving in or admitting I was wrong. I haven’t apologized or acknowledged anything, and I don’t plan to. Sometimes the best way to move forward is to do just that; rather than retracing the past (and risk reigniting the situation), sometimes it’s best to just move forward. To do so, you don’t have to let go of your principles, but you do have to let go of your emotional anchoring. Now—as I write this—I’m in the midst of a terrific, productive afternoon and looking forward to a fun, harmonious evening. And that’s much healthier and happier for everyone.
Give it a try. Shift your mindset.
What Are We So Afraid Of?
Posted by on January 10, 2016
My wife Colleen wrote a blog post this week called “Just Do It”, which is the mantra she resuscitated over New Year’s as a personal rallying cry for some projects she’s been putting off. Her post got me thinking about our inhibitions and why we have such trouble moving forward sometimes.
So often we get so trapped in our own heads worrying about how we’ll do—or look, or be judged—that we never cross the starting line. In Colleen’s case, she kept pushing off a photo shoot because she wanted to get her hair done, etc. She was letting “perfect be the enemy of done”. Instead, she just went for it…not only getting it done but having fun in the process. And now she’s got momentum to carry into her next task.
I’m getting better about this as I age and my self-confidence grows—which I suspect is true for most people—but I still have a lot of work to do. “Just Doing It” will allow me to break free of self-limitation and accomplish so much more. Given my philosophy of net progress and incrementalism (slow and steady gains compound to big things over time), I suspect hurdling my reservations and fears will only accelerate achievement of my long-term goals.
Certainly, facing one’s discomfort is…well…uncomfortable. Since we know that practice builds skill and muscle memory, it seems evident that we should look for opportunities to lean into this. When I saw the picture Colleen used to promote her post, literally jumping for joy, my initial reaction was “What a wacko! I would never do that.”
Which meant there was only one thing to do.
In Search of Alignment
Posted by on January 3, 2016
We typically enter a new year reflecting on the achievements and shortcomings of the year gone by and forming our intentions for the year ahead. I’m no different in that regard, though I try to shy away from “resolutions” and instead focus on incremental enhancements that will make my life better. Basically, do more of this and less of that. That way, my year-end accounting will tilt toward the success column.
Years ago I decided to “give up guilt”, to no longer be governed by the crappy feeling that I should be doing something. This year, I’m taking that a step further in an effort to align my daily activities with my long-term goals. Here’s how it works:
Any time I’m presented with a decision about whether or not to do something, I ask myself two simple qualifying questions.
1) Will it bring me joy?
2) Is it consistent with my long-term goals?
So far, this is proving tremendously effective for my decision-making, and it’s very liberating.
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