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This morning I had a disagreement with someone. I was already frustrated about something, and the disagreement set me off. In principle I still think I was right, but in hindsight I could have handled it better. Our disagreement escalated quickly, and after the tiff we both went our separate ways and gave each other the silent treatment for a while. Feeling slighted, and feeling justified for feeling that way, I was prepared to spend the rest of the day ticked off and channeling my anger into being productive. This would accomplish several things: (a) let it be known that I was still upset, and (b) fuel me to bang things off my ever-present to-do list. This would, I thought, be a win.

Sometimes when you win, though, you really lose. In a post just two weeks ago I committed to making decisions on the basis of (a) whether it provides me joy and/or (b) whether it’s consistent with my long-term goals. In this case, the answer was really neither. (Being productive? Yes to both. But being angry? Neither.) So understanding that my current path was really a loss, I shifted my mindset and reengaged. Within minutes, the cloud had lifted and I was happy.

We coach our kids to control what they can control, that they have the ability to affect to affect outcomes through the way they conduct themselves. We do this because we believe it. Happily, today I was able to coach myself and change my mindset, and in the process change the outcome.

My shift this morning wasn’t about giving in or admitting I was wrong. I haven’t apologized or acknowledged anything, and I don’t plan to. Sometimes the best way to move forward is to do just that; rather than retracing the past (and risk reigniting the situation), sometimes it’s best to just move forward. To do so, you don’t have to let go of your principles, but you do have to let go of your emotional anchoring. Now—as I write this—I’m in the midst of a terrific, productive afternoon and looking forward to a fun, harmonious evening. And that’s much healthier and happier for everyone.

Give it a try. Shift your mindset.